Ken Jennings went from a fan-favorite Jeopardy! contestant to the host of the beloved game show, but as he tells it, the transition was an emotional one.

Now four years into his hosting gig, Jennings is opening up about the moment he thought to himself, “I don’t want to be here.”

In a far-reaching look at the inner workings of the show, Jennings spoke candidly with Rolling Stone about his approach to the job, sharing memories of his mentor and predecessor, Alex Trebek.

Trebek, who hosted the show from 1984 until shortly before his death in 2020, had an unspoken passing of the baton with the former contestant. Jennings’ Jeopardy! journey started 20 years ago as a player, when he won more than $2.5 million on 74 consecutive games. Several championship tournaments followed, and he was later asked by the beloved game show host to record portions of his audiobook.

“That was the first time I ever had a conversation with him that was [about] torch passing, and even that was kind of very unspoken,” Jennings told the outlet.

Jennings said that filming his first episode was difficult, not because he had big shoes to fill, but because of the crew and audience’s shared grief at losing a television icon. He started the episode with a speech about Trebek, something he revealed was “hard to get through.”

“Everybody there was very emotional, and I had to be the one talking through it, even though I probably knew him least of all 100 people on set, crew and the staff. It was very scary. You’re aware that the audience does not want you there. They’re like me, they want the other guy, and I was missing him too. I’m like, ‘I don’t want to be here. I would give anything to not be here right now,’” he noted.

Though Jennings has deviated from some of Trebek’s hosting traditions, like meeting with contestants before they begin filming their episodes (contestants never saw Trebek until he walked out onto the stage at the top of the episode), there are a few tried and true Trebek-isms he still follows closely, like taking questions from the studio audience during commercial breaks.

After his death, the show’s initial solution to filling the Trebek-sized vacuum was to tap into a rotating crew of media personalities to host, from veteran journalists Robin Roberts and Katie Couric to NFL quarterback Aaron Rodgers. But Jennings stood out from the group, largely due to his love of the game.

“I saw the look that the contestants would have when he’d walk out on the stage. Or his facility with the material. I remember at one point, somebody buzzed in and gave the wrong response, and they said, ‘Who is Gainsborough?’ And he said, ‘Oh, no, I’m sorry, it’s Gainsborough’s great rival,’ and named some other obscure artist. It was just a moment, [but] who on earth other than Ken Jennings could have that moment?” revealed current showrunner Michael Davies.

“Jeopardy! is a weirdly unifying thing,” said Jennings about the future of the show. “Young people, old people, red states, blue states — it’s an institution that has this universal acceptance. Whatever the forces of anti-science and fake news and whatever are, they seem to have some carve-out for Jeopardy!. Maybe because it’s a game?”

“This is a place where nobody says, ‘Why are you doing a category about dinosaurs? Dinosaurs aren’t real.’ Or, ‘Why are you mentioning the moon landing? We never went to the moon.’ For whatever reason, Jeopardy! seems to be immune from that, and maybe that’s a good sign,” Jennings concluded.